That's Happy Valentine's Day. I have always rejected card-generating holidays because Hallmark reminds me that I need to tell someone I love them, and that makes me resent Hallmark. Especially when I waste a good hour and a half card-shopping hoping to find one that's funny enough and not too tasteless-- unless the tastelessness is funny enough, or hoping to find one that can be serious without being sappy, and without the extended, calligraphied, boring, and sophomoric poetry that no one ever reads. Card-shopping gives me a nervous stomach every time. That feeling of I-know-I-have-more-important-things-to-do-yet-I-can't-seem-to-tear-myself-away. I hear John Wayne's voice telling me I'm burnin' daylight. So I grab a handful of marginally adequate sentiments, run to the store's bathroom, then go to the register with the mindset that I can't seem to shake that cards cost about a dollar each. (Only at the Dollar Store, and who wants to give a card from a dollar store? That's like saying, I love you, but not enough to spend $4.50 on a card.) So $32.78 later, I take the 4 cards and hope to personalize them with my own handwritten heartfelt thoughts. Well, here it is Valentine's Day, and all the cards I got for my mom, my in-laws, my nieces & nephews, are sitting here under a pile of papers on my desk. Unsigned, and certainly nowhere near an address or a stamp. It's not that I'm just lazy. I'm lazy AND busy. A rare and destructive combination. They say it's the thought that counts. But it only counts if the object of your thought is aware that you had such thought. Hence, the necessity of the expense, time, and effort of sending out a card on time. But with love, I say there is no deadline and no special day. (As for birthday cards, I have no excuse—those do sort of have a deadline day). Those I love know I love them. They also know that I'm lazy and busy and thoughtless. My cards will go out late then end up in a wastebasket after a proper amount of time. But they will go out, maybe before month's end. Card or not, and whoever you are, (unless you are one of the handful of people I can't stand) let me just say here and now, I Love You (in whichever appropriate way applies to you).
Priceless
But I Wanted to Try This
We went to NYC with some friends back in 2007. Everyone else wanted to go to the Carnegie Deli instead. Tourists.
stolen from unitednothing.net
The Coolest Ashtray Ever
Order one at misspoppy.com -- best place to find horribly irreverent novelties. Great clergy gifts.
No Horseplay
Have Fun!
Words to Live By
KatyCat
This $24 art was soon destroyed by $6 worth of cotton candy
From StoryPeople
By Brian Andreas
My Motto
or a good maid service
and drink beer.
pasted from myteespot.com
Buzz
He likes to vomit in Katy's bed & sh!t in Luke's room. Hello? Dog Whisperer, please help.
About Me
- Jill Mitchell-Thein
- I'm insecure yet over-confident and sensitive yet cruel. I carry my own laugh track and often re-use good material with different audiences. I'm a literature snob, a wine snob, and a music addict. I think I was an expatriot in Paris in the 20s in a past life. I'm a cyberchondriac. My gravestone will read, "I told you I was sick." If I cloned myself, I'd have to kill the other me because she'd be too obnoxious and try to steal my thunder. Otherwise, I'm fairly well-adjusted.
2 comments:
ok, the HNY for New Years was cute, and excusable, because that's truly a meaningless throw-away sentiment. but HVD sets a dangerous precedent that i don't think we should stand for! such a blanket statement renders all its recipients generic and undifferentiated, and reduces us to the lowest common denominator, in a ‘mandated equal outcomes’, marxist sort of way. that may be fine if you’re an obama supporter, but i’d rather retain the distinctions that separate us on the Jill Scale of Favorability- a loftier position therein being a mark of honor to be earned through hard work and the efficient application of what talents have been endowed upon us by our Creator.
and while we’re all aware of your time-honored tradition of tardiness when it comes to marking occasions, it is in fact the effort made to achieve a timely, personalized greeting that holds the meaning, more so than the actual sentiment expressed, don’t you think? we get so caught up in the product sometimes, that we lose sight of the process, which is where the true sign of affection lies.
i’d continue longer in this vein, but i have to run out and get my wife a tacky card and some cheap flowers now before she gets home!
I appreciate your flowery prose to make my "tradition of tardiness" sound pretty. You are of course right (this time) that it is the effort that counts more than the sentiment itself. I guess that means if I send you a handmade, handwritten card-- in a timely manner-- that tells you to go back to the steaming cess pool of mutant DNA from whence you escaped, you would still be pleased to know that I made an effort to acknowledge you on Hallmark's schedule. It is all in the effort. Don't worry, Chris. You still rank a little higher than the lowest common denominator on my "Scale of Favorability." I also am honored you chose to capitalize it. I'll send you the Excel spreadsheet that ranks all my friends, relatives, acquaintances, colleagues, and neighbors, along with various celebrities and other strangers, in order of favorability so you can see where you stand. I update the chart regularly, as my opinion of certain people can go from "adore" to "abhor" at random intervals depending on such variables as my mood in relation to where the moon is and how well my meds are working, or what I had for breakfast that day. I think seeing your ranking on the spreadsheet should simultaneously bolster your confidence and encourage you to GET OFF MY ASS before your favorability starts slipping. Others, take heed. I'll add a link to the speadsheet soon so you can all monitor your progress or decline on the scale.
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