I confess. I have Idol fever. Unlike other competition shows, this one serves a purpose. Dancing with the Stars, on the other hand, is absolutely pointless. American Idol also gives me something to talk to my babysitter about. Otherwise, my conversations with her amount to, "How's school?" and, "I put the number for 9-1-1 by the phone."
I was going to keep my obsession a secret, but I decided I better go ahead and put it out there now because my favorite contestant, Jason Castro, will probably get booted off next week. And when he does, I don't want anyone to wonder why I suddenly become even more sullen and withdrawn. This also gives me an opportunity to announce that I no longer struggle with any inappropriate feelings about the Jonas Brothers. They are so yesterday. I have moved on. It's all about Jason now. Never did I think I would want to run my fingers through (or get them stuck in) a 20-year-old boy's dreadlocks. He dodged a bullet this week, and he better step it up next week or he's out. Which would be fine with me, because then he'll eventually end up back in Texas doing gigs at dive bars, shopping malls, and county fairs. It'll be easier for me to stalk him that way.
I've been impressed with the talent level this season. The contestants keep me watching even though Idol's producers have come up with the most lame themes and oddest celebrity guests ever. First, I think they really overdid it on the Beatles songs. Once they got their hands on that Lennon/McCartney songbook, the vulgar display of medleys and the seemingly endless parade of one overrated Beatles song after another was almost enough to make me change the channel. The Beatles bonanza was soon followed by Dolly Parton night. What?? Sure, she's an icon, and I think everyone likes her as a person, but come on. Then they give Mariah Carey a platform to plug her new album while forcing these poor kids to sing her songs. Season after season, the judges have advised contestants against attempting songs by certain artists such as Whitney Houston, Celine Dion, and, oh yeah, Mariah Carey. I personally don't care for the warblings of these pop divas; so of course, an American Idol version would necessarily come off as forgettable or "karaoke" at best.
And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, along comes Andrew Lloyd Webber. The fact that he has been knighted and is a "Sir" carries no weight for me whatsoever. Have I mentioned how much I hate musicals? So far, the only tolerable exceptions for me are Grease and Spamalot. I had to sit through Phantom several years ago. I woke up at the part where I guess a chandelier crashes, or something like that. Pure torture. I would rather spend an eternity eating shards of broken glass than watch another musical. Even Les Miserables would make me want to poke my eyes out. Talk about "Mees-ay-rah-bluh." I love the book, but when people start singing the words all dirgelike and non-rhyming to swelling, melodramatic orchestra music, I want to run screaming to the nearest Adam Sandler film festival. At least he chooses good music. And don't get me started on movies of musicals. At least a live one on a stage provides some chance that someone will slip and fall or forget their lines. I remember when that movie Chicago came out. All my friends were just gushing over it. You may think I have a personality defect. I call this distaste an asset and wear it proudly.
Then we find out Wednesday night, that next week we will be subjected to Neil Diamond, of all people. What??? I'm sorry mom; I know you have always adored him. And I don't have any strong feelings against him but, please, is this the best they can do? The opening medley is sure to be a disastrous train wreck. So why do I keep watching? Because I think these kids are talented and I love their wide-eyed, fresh-faced, living-the-dream energy. And because of Jason.
The only thing I hate as much as musicals is ballroom dancing. Except maybe the really hot sambas or tangos. I'm reluctant to give Dancing with the Stars any valuable space here, but I must get something off my chest. The few times over the years that I've tried to watch it and understand the attraction, I find myself trying to figure out which one is the dancer and which one is the B-, C-, or D-list so-called "star." And now the ironic thing is, the professional dancers are bigger stars than the ones they have to stumble around on the dance floor with. And I have to mention poor Priscilla Presley. She would have aged beautifully had she not interfered. She makes Joan Rivers look good. Bless her heart.
I must get back to work now, or at least go take a shower.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Idol Worship
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
So... you're likin' (not lickin' -- though apparently that's not off the table!) Jason. Hmmmm. Sure he's cute in his 'aw shucks' totally stoned way, but it's a singing contest! I love that adorable smile of his but I was tres bummed that Carly was voted off -- I really thought she belonged in the top two and did a great job with Jesus Christ Superstar. If Jason goes will you still watch? Or is that it for you?
Oh, and truculent, abominable, and loathe. That last one only because it's so onomatopoeic -- hey, that's a good one too. I'll think of more for you later!
If Jason leaves, I'll have to shift my devotion to David Cook, who I think really could take it if they go by talent and marketability. If he plays it right, he could be the next Chris Daughtry, just less hot and with a way bigger head. Carly did do a great job--I was shocked she and her geisha-girl-tattoo companion got voted off. And she was so graceful on her exit.
Thanks for the word additions. I love those, too. Especially truculent--which reminds me of truncated, another one I like. So "loathe" sounds like what it is? Hmmm. I had no idea that was the actual sound of loathing. I guess I learned something today. Loathe is also somehow idiosyncratic, I think. The word's meaning is at odds with its smooth and soothing sound. Almost like you could say "I loathe you" to a vocabularily-challenged person and they might respond with, a dreamy, closed-eyes smile and say "Mmmm...Your words are as gentle as your occasional courtesy booty call."
regarding loathe and onomatopoeia, i CLANG bill clinton, i BLAM nancy pelosi, and i wish i could bang ann coulter, but i can't
Why can't you? Oh yeah, she's a dude, and you're trying to cut back on that.
come on- that was some clever frickin word play! (see, "bang" could have been representing "loathe" the way the other onomatopoeia words did, so it would work in that context, meaning i wish i could loathe A.C. so that i could be more acceptable to you, but i just can't because she's so correct all the time and has a great rack. but by not capitalizing it the way i did with the other examples, i made it clear that it was open to the other interpretation of bang, and that i can't because i'm married already... get it? one of my better witticisms!)
I just don't put as much thought into things as you do. And the fact that you point out how clever you are negates the intended effect of any cleverness you might think you have. Btw, the A.C. reference meter is nearing max capacity at which point all mentions of him will be rejected. Use such references wisely. Oh wait, that's impossible.
Post a Comment